Have you ever thought about the story you are living? I never did, at least not until I read Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles in Thousand Years. Then it hit me that by not being intentional and just letting life happen, I was not living a story worth inviting others into. The story I have been living is all about me. Why would my family be eager to join me in it?
The elements of a great story involve a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. I’ll be honest, I hate conflict and have spent a good portion of my life avoiding it. Can you imagine my shock and horror when my wife started actually praying for suffering? When she first started praying this way, I would cringe inside submitting my own silent petition hoping to nullify her request. It took some time for me to see that she is right (I will admit here that she often is). In Romans 5:3-4 it says, “we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” My wife was praying for a better story. She was looking ahead, asking God to raise up her husband (a character), giving him an idea (something he wants) larger than himself that will bring conflict in order to attain, that the whole family might unite to overcome.
A great example of this is shown in the book through Donald’s friend, Jason. This is how Jason saved his family.
Donald meets up with his friend Jason who is having major problems with his 13 year old daughter. Jason finds pot hidden in her closet and she is dating a real mess of a guy. Jason and his wife try grounding her but things get worse. Donald suggests something that gets Jason’s attention. He tells Jason that his daughter is living a terrible story.
Jason asks what he means and Donald explains that the elements of a story involve a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. He tells Jason, “She’s just not living a very good story. She’s caught up in a bad one.”
A couple of months later Donald runs into Jason and asks about his daughter. “She’s better,” he says to me, smiling. And when I ask why, he tells me his family is living a better story.
After Jason and Donald first talk, Jason goes home and thinks about the story his family is living and the role his daughter is playing inside that story. He realizes he hasn’t mapped out a story for his family or provided a better role for his daughter. So his daughter chooses another story. A story in which there is risk and adventure, rebellion and independence.
Jason decides to stop yelling at his daughter and create a better story to invite her into. He researches on the internet and decides that his family is going to focus on orphans. He finds an organization that builds orphanages around the world. He calls a family meeting and tells his wife and daughter that their family is going to give the $25,000 needed to build an orphanage in Mexico. And he tells them that he has already committed to building it.
Jason mistakenly fails to mention any of this to his wife ahead of time and she is rightly upset with him. They have no money and just took a second mortgage on their home. That night they are lying in bed and he explains the whole story thing, about how they aren’t taking risks, aren’t helping anybody and how their daughter is losing interest. The next day Jason’s wife says she is proud of him.
Jason’s daughter decides she wants to go to Mexico to meet the kids. She breaks up with her boyfriend. She gets involved in the new story. As Jason says, “No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while.”
Now that is real and powerful. Jason created a story bigger than himself and invited his family to join him. There was a dramatic transformation in his daughter as she got caught up in this new story. She was part of something bigger than herself and this made her come alive.
This is what the 50 state challenge is all about for our family. We long for something bigger than ourselves, that will bring us together as a family and make us come alive.
What story are you living? Is it big enough to invite others to join you in it?
